Let’s face it. Unless you are living in a world where every single person around you is the most positive person on the planet, you have toxic people in your life.
I, for one, have dealt with one too many toxic people in my life and it’s taken me a long time to either realize it or realize it and then get them out. It’s really a harsh reality that you have to face every now and then.
That friend that you grew up with and have talked to for the past two decades could be your “best friend” but if you really think about it, they turn out to be this burden as opposed to being a light in your life. OR maybe you have a “friend” you became friends with just because you have things in common. Hey, that’s how a lot of us develop friendships but if all you ever do is talk about those couple things and your friend pretty much bashes all the things you believe in or think about…you’re probably better off without them.
Recently, over the past year or so, I have gone through some changes. No, nothing huge. But changes that involve getting rid of the toxic people from my life. And I figured, it would be a great idea to share it with people! You may find yourself reading this and a name pops into your head. Yeah…that relationship probably isn’t good for you.
- They’re usually full of negativity.
It’s true. They drown themselves in their own pity parties and as you try to comfort them and leave them with something to look forward to, they shoot you down with their negativity. Basically saying, “Buzz off, you have no idea what I am going through, so don’t bother trying to make me feel better.” Well, alrighty then. No arguments here, you’re on your own. Just get rid of them. The negativity does nothing good for you and your life. You should be surrounded by people that are going to be a positive outlook. Don’t get me wrong, people have bad days and that’s totally fine. And you may even feel negativity sometimes. But when each conversation is filled with the constant complaints about people or their life…it gets old.
2. They don’t support you.
Usually, those toxic people in your life don’t care very much about what is going on in your life. If you accomplish something or have some great news for you, they usually follow up with something better so something so negative that it makes you feel bad for sharing the news. You probably know them as “one-uppers.” Bet another name just popped into your head, didn’t it? They don’t just “one-up” you, they just downright don’t support anything you do or say. Not every friendship or relationship has to share the exact same views and opinions on things but hey, you don’t need to straight up bash somebody because of their point of view. I have kept myself at peace with a lot of the things people say and do and unless it is harming myself, my family, or others…it’s not going to bother me. Believe what you want, do what you want, if it truly makes you happy then that works for me!
3. They’re never really there for you.
This is probably one of the hardest things to come to terms with. Are you normally there for your friends? The one who comes to the rescue when they are feeling down and out and try to do whatever you can to lift them up? No one is perfect and as adults, we tend to not spend as much time on our friends as we used to. So, it’s okay to not ALWAYS be there at their doorstep with pizza and a bottle of wine when your friend has had a bad day. But if you’re going to text someone and ask them how they are doing, you better be there when you get back a response with, “I am just having a hard time right now.” I don’t know, I have a hard time remembering to text people back or I read a text and totally forget that I even read it. It happens. But when someone needs help, I do my best to be there. I guess it’s hard for some people who don’t value things the same way you do. We have families to take care of and businesses to run, it’s life. I get it. But there’s always that ONE friend that just…sucks at being there, period. And always expects you to be there for them. Ugh!
4. They’re not as forgiving.
There have been numerous times where I have messed up in a friendship or gotten upset about something that happened or was said. If you’re a female reading this, you totally get it. Sometimes we are just a little sensitive…sometimes we’re a little mean. We can’t always control how we are feeling but we can choose how to carry on from the situation. Long story short, I had a friend who I told great news to and didn’t do #2. They didn’t support me. Mainly, they got jealous that I was going through something they weren’t…yet. Then they got mad. This whole time, I had no idea about it. Then something bad happened and they didn’t do #3. So, when that something bad happened, I was stuck without a friend to talk to because she was one of the only people to know about what was going on. Come to find out, she was jealous, didn’t want to talk to me, randomly talked to me again, found out about the bad news, felt extremely guilty, didn’t talk to me for longer, and then finally told me the truth. They apologized for not being there. And guess what? I forgave her. In an instant. Because, I understand that things happen and I wouldn’t want me friend to feel the way she was feeling. Fast forward to a few weeks later…you’re having a really rough time and that same friend tells you they are there for you if you need anything. Later on in the conversation, starts acting rude and you tell them….you’re sounding rude. Your comments are rude. I just don’t understand why you’re being rude. And then the comments from your friend turn out mean and just disrespectful (which will be #5) and well, you being the person going through the tough time, you get upset. You let your friend know you’re upset. And, you’re not going to let them walk all over you – like always (#6) and you tell them! But get this, later on you message them and apologize for your own actions. And your friend has the audacity to act like they did absolutely nothing wrong and was still being extremely rude to you.
Take the two scenarios here…your friend couldn’t forgive an ARGUMENT but you forgave them for being a plain, HORRIBLE FRIEND. End the friendship there.
5. They don’t respect you.
It kind of goes along the same lines of them not supporting you. They don’t really care what you think and don’t care all too much about what you have to say when they’re whining about their life. Clearly, if they’re not there for you when you do the same thing, that’s just not fair. And if they belittle you for the things that you do or say, that’s not respect at all. You two may have the same interests in life, but you are NOT the same person. But respect should always be there. It doesn’t matter if your friend makes more money than you or goes on vacations and buys a ton of fancy clothes…she shouldn’t rub that in your face or make you feel bad because you just don’t. Or you spend your money on other things that you see as more important to you. Not only that, if they are giving you condescending remarks about the things that you do or say, please know that they don’t have any respect for you. They may say, “I was only joking,” but there’s a good chance they were just being rude anyway.
6. They walk all over you.
Now this….I have been guilty of in the past. I had a friend that used to be the nicest person in the world and let people walk all over her ALL THE TIME. So, it wasn’t just me, but I took advantage of the fact that she never said “no.” Granted, I wasn’t the worst but if it came down to asking her for help, I knew she would be the one to do. Fast forward to a few years later and the mean friend she hung out with all the time (me) finally taught her not to let people do that and she doesn’t anymore. If she ever reads this, I am proud of you girl! haha. Anyway, I realized how much of a bad friend I was being, I stopped acting like that and I grew up! I mean, I was in high school so we all have some growing up to do in those years.
With all that being said, someone is walking all over you and mistaking your kindness for weakness, drop them like a bad habit. I sure deserved it back in the day but I am thankful that my friend kept me around and we have been friends for over 10 years now. :)
Well, I think that’s about all I can think of at the moment. Spending time just going over these six reasons has helped me realize who I needed in my life and who I didn’t. Now, it’s your turn. Maybe a few names came up while you were reading….maybe you’re one of the lucky ones and you couldn’t think of anyone. That’s great! But for those of us with toxic people in our lives…don’t let them weigh you down. Assess the relationship and see if it’s going to make your life better or make it more stressful. I definitely like the less stress option. Good riddance!