Toxic Relationships: A Few Reasons To Get Rid of Them

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Let’s face it. Unless you are living in a world where every single person around you is the most positive person on the planet, you have toxic people in your life.

I, for one, have dealt with one too many toxic people in my life and it’s taken me a long time to either realize it or realize it and then get them out. It’s really a harsh reality that you have to face every now and then.

That friend that you grew up with and have talked to for the past two decades could be your “best friend” but if you really think about it, they turn out to be this burden as opposed to being a light in your life. OR maybe you have a “friend” you became friends with just because you have things in common. Hey, that’s how a lot of us develop friendships but if all you ever do is talk about those couple things and your friend pretty much bashes all the things you believe in or think about…you’re probably better off without them.

Recently, over the past year or so, I have gone through some changes. No, nothing huge. But changes that involve getting rid of the toxic people from my life. And I figured, it would be a great idea to share it with people! You may find yourself reading this and a name pops into your head. Yeah…that relationship probably isn’t good for you.

  1. They’re usually full of negativity.

It’s true. They drown themselves in their own pity parties and as you try to comfort them and leave them with something to look forward to, they shoot you down with their negativity. Basically saying, “Buzz off, you have no idea what I am going through, so don’t bother trying to make me feel better.” Well, alrighty then. No arguments here, you’re on your own. Just get rid of them. The negativity does nothing good for you and your life. You should be surrounded by people that are going to be a positive outlook. Don’t get me wrong, people have bad days and that’s totally fine. And you may even feel negativity sometimes. But when each conversation is filled with the constant complaints about people or their life…it gets old.

2. They don’t support you.

Usually, those toxic people in your life don’t care very much about what is going on in your life. If you accomplish something or have some great news for you, they usually follow up with something better so something so negative that it makes you feel bad for sharing the news. You probably know them as “one-uppers.” Bet another name just popped into your head, didn’t it? They don’t just “one-up” you, they just downright don’t support anything you do or say. Not every friendship or relationship has to share the exact same views and opinions on things but hey, you don’t need to straight up bash somebody because of their point of view. I have kept myself at peace with a lot of the things people say and do and unless it is harming myself, my family, or others…it’s not going to bother me. Believe what you want, do what you want, if it truly makes you happy then that works for me!

3. They’re never really there for you.

This is probably one of the hardest things to come to terms with. Are you normally there for your friends? The one who comes to the rescue when they are feeling down and out and try to do whatever you can to lift them up? No one is perfect and as adults, we tend to not spend as much time on our friends as we used to. So, it’s okay to not ALWAYS be there at their doorstep with pizza and a bottle of wine when your friend has had a bad day. But if you’re going to text someone and ask them how they are doing, you better be there when you get back a response with, “I am just having a hard time right now.” I don’t know, I have a hard time remembering to text people back or I read a text and totally forget that I even read it. It happens. But when someone needs help, I do my best to be there. I guess it’s hard for some people who don’t value things the same way you do. We have families to take care of and businesses to run, it’s life. I get it. But there’s always that ONE friend that just…sucks at being there, period. And always expects you to be there for them. Ugh!

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4. They’re not as forgiving.

There have been numerous times where I have messed up in a friendship or gotten upset about something that happened or was said. If you’re a female reading this, you totally get it. Sometimes we are just a little sensitive…sometimes we’re a little mean. We can’t always control how we are feeling but we can choose how to carry on from the situation. Long story short, I had a friend who I told great news to and didn’t do #2. They didn’t support me. Mainly, they got jealous that I was going through something they weren’t…yet. Then they got mad. This whole time, I had no idea about it. Then something bad happened and they didn’t do #3. So, when that something bad happened, I was stuck without a friend to talk to because she was one of the only people to know about what was going on. Come to find out, she was jealous, didn’t want to talk to me, randomly talked to me again, found out about the bad news, felt extremely guilty, didn’t talk to me for longer, and then finally told me the truth. They apologized for not being there. And guess what? I forgave her. In an instant. Because, I understand that things happen and I wouldn’t want me friend to feel the way she was feeling. Fast forward to a few weeks later…you’re having a really rough time and that same friend tells you they are there for you if you need anything. Later on in the conversation, starts acting rude and you tell them….you’re sounding rude. Your comments are rude. I just don’t understand why you’re being rude. And then the comments from your friend turn out mean and just disrespectful (which will be #5) and well, you being the person going through the tough time, you get upset. You let your friend know you’re upset. And, you’re not going to let them walk all over you – like always (#6) and you tell them! But get this, later on you message them and apologize for your own actions. And your friend has the audacity to act like they did absolutely nothing wrong and was still being extremely rude to you.

Take the two scenarios here…your friend couldn’t forgive an ARGUMENT but you forgave them for being a plain, HORRIBLE FRIEND. End the friendship there.

5. They don’t respect you.

It kind of goes along the same lines of them not supporting you. They don’t really care what you think and don’t care all too much about what you have to say when they’re whining about their life. Clearly, if they’re not there for you when you do the same thing, that’s just not fair. And if they belittle you for the things that you do or say, that’s not respect at all. You two may have the same interests in life, but you are NOT the same person. But respect should always be there. It doesn’t matter if your friend makes more money than you or goes on vacations and buys a ton of fancy clothes…she shouldn’t rub that in your face or make you feel bad because you just don’t. Or you spend your money on other things that you see as more important to you. Not only that, if they are giving you condescending remarks about the things that you do or say, please know that they don’t have any respect for you. They may say, “I was only joking,” but there’s a good chance they were just being rude anyway.

6. They walk all over you.

Now this….I have been guilty of in the past. I had a friend that used to be the nicest person in the world and let people walk all over her ALL THE TIME. So, it wasn’t just me, but I took advantage of the fact that she never said “no.” Granted, I wasn’t the worst but if it came down to asking her for help, I knew she would be the one to do. Fast forward to a few years later and the mean friend she hung out with all the time (me) finally taught her not to let people do that and she doesn’t anymore. If she ever reads this, I am proud of you girl! haha. Anyway, I realized how much of a bad friend I was being, I stopped acting like that and I grew up! I mean, I was in high school so we all have some growing up to do in those years.

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With all that being said, someone is walking all over you and mistaking your kindness for weakness, drop them like a bad habit. I sure deserved it back in the day but I am thankful that my friend kept me around and we have been friends for over 10 years now. :)

Well, I think that’s about all I can think of at the moment. Spending time just going over these six reasons has helped me realize who I needed in my life and who I didn’t. Now, it’s your turn. Maybe a few names came up while you were reading….maybe you’re one of the lucky ones and you couldn’t think of anyone. That’s great! But for those of us with toxic people in our lives…don’t let them weigh you down. Assess the relationship and see if it’s going to make your life better or make it more stressful. I definitely like the less stress option. Good riddance!

 

#LetsFixThis

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It’s sad to know that human trafficking is such an issue today. But thankfully there are people at the International Justice Mission and Beachbody that are doing their part to make a difference. Click here to learn more about the International Justice Mission.

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And now it’s my turn. The CEO of Beachbody, Carl Daikeler, has put the 21 Day Fix Challenge Pack on sale for the month of June. A challenge pack is a bag of Shakeology PLUS the 21 Day Fix workouts, meal plans, workout calendar, and more, for $140. That’s only $10 more than a bag of Shakeology, by itself.

Why is this sale important? Well, for every 21 Day Fix Challenge Pack that is sold during this month, Carl will donate $10 to the International Justice Mission to help in the efforts to end human trafficking!

This is so exciting! To be part of a company that helps change lives, get people fit and healthy, AND supports a good cause. I am all about that. So, here’s the deal.

I am running a challenge group next month to get people together and get healthy and so wait. You’ve all seen the infomercials about the 21 Day Fix. You’ve seen commercials. You’ve seen people walking around with these colored containers and drinking Shakeology. I want to talk to you about all of that.

First of all, this is Shakeology:

That’s the best way I can describe it. It’s a healthy, nutrient dense shake. It’s super healthy and tasty at the same time and it has changed my life.

I want to help you get a jump start on your health and fitness lifestyle! Join me in this challenge group! Lose weight, get toned, get healthy, be fit, have accountability, be encouraged, and get help and advice from others like us! Email me at heydarlinglove@outlook.com if you have any questions or are interested in getting started!! I am very excited about this challenge next month and I hope to get others involved with me so we can help put an end to human trafficking AND get fit and healthy!

hdl123

http://www.teambeachbodycoach.com/doughertya

For more info on the 21 Day Fix challenge pack, please watch this video or email me to find out more! :)

My Son Is NOT an Excuse

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So many times I have heard, “I’m too busy,” “I am a mom/dad,” “my kids take up all of my time,” “I can’t meal prep for myself, my husband, and my kids,”…the list goes on and on. And hey, I’ll give it to yea, it’s HARD! Being a new mom, and for the first time, has made me realize how much time I used to have for myself and my husband. But the thing is…I can still do the things I love WHILE being a Mommy. Being a wife and a mother is one of the best jobs I have ever had and working out is one of my biggest passions. So, why not combine them both?

Do what you love and do it without excuses. My son is my REASON I keep pushing myself. Someday, he’s going to be walking around with those little, chunky legs and will be watching me. But will he be watching me eating junk food on the couch indulging in Netflix, or will he be watching me be my healthiest, fittest, and HAPPIEST self. I want him to see that it takes hard work and motivation and that it IS possible, no matter what, to achieve your goals.

I am a wife. I am a mommy. I am a student. I am a coach. I am a full time Active Duty service member. And I am ABLE to reach my goals, as long as I keep pushing myself and doing my best, every day.

Are you ready to join me?

Please, feel free to contact me if you’re interested in changing your life!!!
hdl123

 

A Wedding in November

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For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, may have seen a post from a few months ago about my friends’ wedding in Lake Tahoe. Well, it was kind of a secret wedding. How does that work? Well, being in the military, you’re around people ALL THE TIME. And sometimes, you happen to fall in love with someone you work with and you want to spend the rest of your life with them…it happened to J and I. I know it happens!

Anyway, I am not going to dive into the rules and what not because that’s boring. Who cares? Let’s talk about love. haha.

You can read that post from the wedding here.
http://heydarlinglove.com/2014/11/30/a-wedding-in-nevada/

Did you click it? I hope so! Notice something? You didn’t see photos of the bride and groom! Well, like I said, it as a secret wedding. I had to wait until they made everything public before I could post the photos! Also, I have been itching to post the photos of Jamie’s hair and makeup! It’s the first time I had done a bride’s hair and makeup (besides myself) in a few years and I had such  fun time doing it.

Well, now I can share! I’ve actually been able to share these photos for awhile now but as most of you know, I haven’t been in the blogging scene lately since Aston has been born. And I still need to post about him too. lol

Anyway…introducing Brent and Jamie, married!!

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DSC_0943DSC_0972DSC_0977It was such a beautiful wedding and a lot of fun! Even being a big ol’ preggo. haha. And the best part is…I know they are going to have such a beautiful marriage. I miss Jamie like crazy and I can’t wait until I get to see her again! Since getting married, she has left California and gone to Florida (stupid Navy always moving people away lol) and her hubby will be following sometime this year. He still has to finish his contract out here.

Hope you all enjoyed the photos! And I hope you enjoyed the fact that I actually posted again. lol. Have a marvelous Sunday!!!

rsz_hdl123

My Goals for 2015

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When one year ends, another one is on it’s way to start.

I’ve already looked back on 2014 and learned a few life lessons and have celebrated the awesome things that happened. Now, that I have said “GOODBYE” to this year, it’s time to welcome in 2015.

With a new year comes a new list of goals that I will go ahead and say, out loud, to commit to getting them accomplished. 2014 was one AMAZING year and I can’t wait to have many more great years. It WILL happen. :)

1. Complete my first year of being a Mommy.
Well, at least the first 10 months, give or take. My son is due at the end of February and I am so excited for his arrival! I know the first few months are going to be rough. I don’t know as much as I feel like I should as to what it means to being a Mommy. I just want to be the best mommy I can be! And this blog will be filled with a ton of stories about what it’s going to be like for my hubby and I to become parents. I’m sure there will be plenty of laughs along the way!

2. I will complete at least 4 more classes.
So far, I have completely 1 college class. My FIRST college class. It’s definitely a goal to get my Associate’s before my Navy contract ends. 4 may seem like a low number but I am not doing well at trying to get my classes all registered for these days. I was trying to sign up for classes to start in January and things just aren’t working out and they are on holiday break until the 6th. Lame. It might be too late to get some classes. These are online classes! How is it so hard?! haha. Oh well. 4 classes. That’s my goal.

3. Advancement
Like I’ve said numerous times before, I am in the military. There are 2 opportunities  a year to take the advancement test. Well, I haven’t made it twice and each time I have gotten SO CLOSE. This time…I will make it. March. Even if I have a 2 week old at home, I am going to make it!!!! MAJOR goal here. I know what I am doing, what I am talking about, and I could use the pay raise. Ay yi yi. I would really like to advance this time around.

4. Plan a wedding reception
Since Jonathan and I got hitched fairly quickly, my father offered to rent out a small hall or a dive bar for us to celebrate getting married with family and friends. Sounds like a pretty great idea to me! The main reason I am letting my parents do this for us is because I didn’t get to have my father-daughter dance. I really wanted to have that with my dad and this way I will be able to. Also, it would be fun to be able to wear a fun and sexy dress. :)

5. Get back to pre-baby weight by September 27th
Why September 27th? Well, that’s our one year wedding anniversary and we are going to be having that reception I talked about in #4. But mainly, around that time, I will probably have to do a Physical Fitness Assessment for the Navy. It is required that you complete the next cycle 6 months after you’ve given birth. So, no slacking. I need to be as awesome as I was (or better) before I got pregnant. I’ve done it before, I can do it again!

6. Sign up 2 coaches to my Beachbody team
This would put me at an Emerald status. I’ve talked about Beachbody on here before and I am really hoping to turn it into a real business in the near future. I, myself, am a Beachboy coach. And I have enjoyed it for quite some time now. Not to mention the massive discount I get on the products I love. To be able to help others has been an amazing thing for me to do and I’ve even been able to inspire some people. I am apart of an amazing team and I would love to sign on 2 coaches as well to join this journey! I wouldn’t be starting my own team just yet, but just making the team I am on now, EVEN BIGGER. It’ll be great and help me out in amazing ways. So, I look forward to really getting out there and talking more about the biz once I start getting my health right again after the baby.

7. Start our garage-gym
Jonathan and I decided that we are going to build a gym in our garage. Yeah, we love to work out. We figured with the baby on the way, we most likely won’t have a lot of time to workout at the gym. Plus, we love to workout TOGETHER. So, if we have a gym a few steps away, we can workout together anytime! That would be really nice because he’s the best workout partner and my biggest motivator. He’s my swolemate. ;P haha.

8. Learn to cook healthier meals
AND STICK TO IT. I really need to get back to my clean eating days. I’ve never really been a good cook. But a few months ago I dabbled in trying out recipes that I had found online. I think it will be a great idea for me to try it out when I start eating right as well. That way, it will help both my husband and I. Eating healthy will actually help baby too! Instead of just the normal fresh fruits and veggies, I would like to come up with more alternatives to dishes I have found.

 Goals aren’t meant to be just at the beginning of the year. It’s a good place to start but just because I have only 8 goals for the year…doesn’t mean I can keep making goals throughout the year! So, remember that! Continue making goals for yourself and make the plans to follow through!! So, there you have it. My goals for this year. So, it’s the 2nd day of the year. But I still have some plans! haha.

rsz_hdl123

What I Would Tell My 18 Year Old Self

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Let’s face it. Now that Timehop has entered into the app world, we can see all of the things we have posted in the past few years. In my case, it’s about 9 years (for about as long as I have been on Facebook).

But the funny thing is, without that crazy app drudging up your past, we probably wouldn’t even remember half of the things we did when we were teenagers! From the time I was 18 years old until the time I entered my 20s, it’s pretty much a blur. Probably from the endless nights of partying and the days where sunlight rarely existed unless I was going to work at McDonald’s.

Looking back on those “lost years” I would say that I made plenty of mistakes that a lot of young adults make. You just graduated high school and you’re spending your first few years of college just trying to figure out who you are. In my case, I didn’t go to college. I ended up at a Beauty School when I was 19. Before that, I moved away to California when I was 18…with just 2 suitcases and a couple hundred bucks to my name. It’s no wonder I ended up back at my parents house.

I definitely had a lot of growing up to do in that time. This period of my life is a part of me and here I am today, happier than I have ever been. But there are some things I would like to tell my 18 year old self to maybe soften the blow when things got a little harder. I have included some random photos of me from when I was 18 or 19 as well!! Enjoy the embarrassment! :P

1. Slow down
Slow down on the shots, the beers, the bombs, and whatever else you may want to consume in an evening out in the city. First off, you are not 21 years old and just because you are cute enough for the bouncer to let you into the bars underage, doesn’t mean you should be going insane in there. Those drinks are NOT water, you will not get rehydrated, and you will feel its effects tomorrow. But most importantly, I say slow down because you have plenty of time to grow up. 21 is only a few years away and let’s face it, it’s really not all that it’s cracked up to be! Enjoy those teenage years. You can still say, “Hey, I’m a teenager. What do I know?” Once you’ve gotten past that, you will have a lot more responsibility and well, you will be accountable for a lot more.
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2. Check your clothing
Girl, what are you wearing? I’m sorry, but not everyone can pull off that super cute outfit that is popular in the mags these days. You want to be hip and what not, but it’s just not working for ya. You have no boobs and you really don’t have a butt either, but you’re skinny (and being skinny won’t last you very long at the rate you’re going). So, let’s face it. That super low cut shirt would be cute if you had a rack to go along with it. Instead, you paired it with that god-awful spaghetti strap tanktop underneath that you bought at a 5 for $20 sale at Wet Seal…and you had every color. It’s just not cute. Alright, so you tried to be a little scandalous. There is a difference between showing what you got and just being trashy. You don’t have boobs or an ass but you’ve got some legs. Show them off! That jean skirt you bought from American Eagle, the one with all the frays and tears in it? Yeah, it’s too short. I am pretty sure I almost saw your panties. What’s worse? You live in Wisconsin and you decided to pair THAT with a pair of Uggs. Gross. It’s so cold that you want to keep your feet warm but your legs are perfectly fine? You are such a weirdo. Speaking of cold…wear a freaking jacket. It’s snowing outside and you probably should have just chosen to go stay in for the night but because it’s Thursday night $1 bombs night, you HAVE to go meet up with the rest of the crew. Okay, I get it. Cheap drinks and friends…why not? But you don’t need to be the idiot, standing outside of the bar, smoking your cigarette and shaking like a damn vibrator because you were “too cute” for a jacket. Also, why don’t you just quit smoking while you’re at it. Besides the health issues that come along with it…it smells bad and you look gross. Sorry, but it’s true.
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3. Use your brain
Honestly, this could be said for a lot of people in the adult world too. Sorry to get your hopes up, but there are dummies everywhere. You just have to deal with it. Remember how I mentioned earlier about the jacket in the cold? Yeah, your brain could be pretty useful when you’re freezing half to death. Or all of those shots you decided to take, one after another? Your brain probably told you to stop at one point, but you didn’t use that advice, did you? Use that brain, girl! So, you want to go out and drink with your buddies but you have to be up at 5am to get ready for work and drive about 45 minutes to get there. I’m sure staying out until bar close and getting into bed at 3am is a fantastic idea. I hope you sense my sarcasm. Mainly, just use some common sense.
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4. You will not find your soulmate in a bar
Hey, some people really do find their soulmates in a bar! Actually, my husband and I OFFICIALLY met in a bar. We had been working together for months but never spoke to each other until we were on a detachment and everyone from work went out for drinks. We started chatting and we hit it off! This is rare. Don’t go to a bar thinking you’re going to find a super hot guy, absolutely click, and just spend the rest of your lives together. Most guys (and nowadays many girls) go to bars for hookups. The relationship aspect is over for many young singletons. Why else do you spend an hour getting ready for the night when you know by 2 am, you’re going to smell of alcohol, have smudged eyeliner, and your hair probably went into a messy bun on the top of your head? Most of the times, the guy is just going to want to take you home for the night…
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5. DON’T GO HOME WITH THE GUY
Really. Just don’t. It has bad idea written all over it. Who REALLY wants to invite you over ar 2am for a drink and a chat? If he really wants to chat with you, think about this, and just see if he calls you tomorrow. And if he calls (or texts) you tomorrow…at a decent time…like when the sun is still shining, then give him the time of day. Otherwise, just pass and go home into your comfy bed. It will be much better to sleep there anyway!
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6. Work hard, no matter where you’re working
So you work at McDonald’s. No, it’s not glamorous. No, it doesn’t give you a lot of money. No, it isn’t always fair when it comes to working hours. But it’s a job. It may be a greasy, under appreciated, and smelly job, but you get a paycheck. Remember that. Not many people nowadays can even get a job at McDonald’s. Always stay positive and work hard. You never know what will happen and who is watching. Plus, your hardwork may not even pay off there, but it will in the future. Having a good work ethic will help you in your adult life.
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7. Don’t eat that crap
Ever hear of the “freshman fifteen?” Freshmen in in college tend to gain weight during their first year. It may be a lot more than 15 pounds as well. Why is this? Well, they are away from home for the first time and eating out at the closest McDonald’s was easier for them. Imagine that, you work there. And you get free meals. Stop it. Don’t eat there. ESPECIALLY after a night of drinking! That is the WORST thing for your body! Your metabolism has completely slowed down and when you go for that drive-thru before you head home, you’re just putting more junk into your body that will sit there until you decide to burn it off. And well, let’s face it. You never worked out much either, so the fat is just getting stored. Maybe you can keep warmer in the winter with that short skirt and no jacket…
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8. Exercise
You were an all-year athelete growing up. So, what stopped you? You graduated high school and thought it was too cool to workout? Oh, I get it. You had other important things to do…wrong! You definitely should exercise and get that blood pumping! Burn those calories and well, maybe you wouldn’t be so skinny if you had some muscle on them bones! Actually, if you worked out more, by the time you acutally hit 21, after all of that drinking and eating fast food, you might not have gained that 45 pounds that will end up taking you almost 2 years to lose. Trust me, putting on the weight is a lot easier than taking it off. You’re not going to enjoy looking in the mirror and one day realizing, ‘What have I done to myself?’ So, get out there and be active. You might even find that you really love working out instead of having that all-nighter…weekender…what have you. And it will be a lot better for you.

9. Take advantage of the opportunities given to you
Alright, so you didn’t go to college like the rest of your class did. That’s okay. Maybe you are still figuring yourself out, maybe you don’t know what you want to go to school for, or maybe you went a different route. Like, Beauty School. Your parents probably saved some money up for you to go to school, right? Well, lucky for you, you’re going to school without the burden of debt/school loans upon you. That is phenomenal. Not many people have that luck. So…why are you throwing it away by partying all night or sleeping in because you didn’t want to get up for class? Sorry to tell you, but this is the easy part of life. School is NOT hard. Especially when it is something you love to do! No party is worth it. No guy is worth it. And sorry…no friends are worth it either. And if you have friends trying to get you to skip out on class, they’re really not worth your time in the first place! Your education is very important and you need to realize that. Don’t waste the money or time by not going. You’ll end up paying for it later…like having to start school over.

10. Love who you are
Do you even enjoy going out and being crazy? Is it fun for you anymore? Your friends are doing it, I get it. But it’s okay to be alone and to spend time with yourself. More than okay, actually! You don’t need to compete with those other girls that get all the guys at the club. You don’t need to act any other way that isn’t yourself. If you like to knit or crochet on cold winter nights, then do it! You like to read books and go to coffee shops to hang out and listen to music with friends…even better. No one said that the only time to hang out with friends was going out to the bars. Love who you are. Whatever you’re doing that is good for you, whatever you’re doing that is positive in your life, do that! Don’t do anything that destroys you.

This may be a very long list of things that I would tell myself when I was 18, but I could go on forever. I made a LOT of mistakes when I was younger. And hell, I could probably make one of these lists for every year of my life up until now. You live your life and you learn from it. I regret nothing of my past…I am where I am today because of the experiences that I have had. And I met the love of my life because I ended up where I was. But I can tell you one thing…I was going to get here eventually. This is where I was meant to be. So, I could have avoided a lot of tears, heartache, and fat (lol) had I followed through with these easy steps.

One day, my daughter (if I have one) will hear many of my crazy stories and will probably have to learn from her own mistakes too. But hopefully, because of what I have gone through, I can help her through it.

Here’s to be 18 once upon a time. And here’s to not being 18 ever again.

Cheers!
rsz_hdl123